


Thoughts by Baz at Night

by moonblossomtea



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: ... as per usual, Baz is staring at Simon...., Late at Night, M/M, My First Fanfic, POV Third Person, Short & Sweet, Watford Seventh Year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-04 09:39:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18341060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonblossomtea/pseuds/moonblossomtea
Summary: It's an average night during his seventh year at Watford, and Baz finds that he cannot fall asleep. Instead, he turns to look at the bed across from his. ^_^





	Thoughts by Baz at Night

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone who has decided to read this, because it means a lot! I thought I'd give writing fanfiction a try after reading Carry On and a few of the other AMAZING stories written here. I hope you guys enjoy!

      Baz was lying on his side in bed, fully awake. The room was dark, except for a sliver of moonlight that escaped from the only window in the dorm room. His eyes could still focus on their subject, though, for reasons only he officially knew. Across the room, on the other bed, was a figure cocooned in blankets. Only the head was outside of the bundle of bedding.

     Baz’s eyes focused on the face’s milky, honey skin. It was speckled here and there with freckles whose points reminded him of the way stars poked through the dark sky. Then, his eyes fell on the long lashes that hung from softly closed eyes. Full lips were slightly parted below these eyes, in the way they almost always were, for breathing. The face itself was smooth in rest, suggesting a peaceful sleep free from common nightmares; if it was a bad dream, Baz would have recognized a more twisted expression. That face was never so smooth and calm when it looked back at him in the daytime, so this was really the only time he saw it in this form. It might have been like the rippleless surface of undisturbed waters now, when it didn't know he was looking, but it would definitely be pulled into a scowl comparable to turbulent, storm stirred waves when it looked back at him later. Locks of hair fell in curls around these features, shining a golden brown even with no light to reflect from it.

     Baz wanted to get up from his position and touch that hair, but he remembered that the sole action of watching Simon was enough of a risk. He shut his own eyes and inhaled sharply, but his eyes opened to look at Simon again. He let the air out of his lungs. No, he couldn’t close his eyes when Simon was right there, asleep. Looking at him was as much of a choice as choosing to look at a solar eclipse; he knew it would lead to his utter destruction, but the pull he felt to look was just too much. _Crowley, Snow, why do you have do exist? Why, out of all places, do you have to exist here, in my dorm, in Watford, in this half of the planet at all? Why do you have to exist here now, when I should be sleeping, when I have an exam first thing tomorrow morning?_

     A though crept involuntary into Baz’s mind: _Just tell him._ He thought about saying something, anything from giving him a hint to bluntly blurting it out in the most unexpected moment. It was all too absurd. There was no way that was happening, and if it did, every possible scenario ended in Simon punching his lights out. For some reason. Still…

    “Simon…?”

     Baz brought his hands to his mouth but it was too late. The words were already spoken, and they floated out into the air. With frantic eyes, Baz brought his attention back to the Simon right in front of him and away from the Simon that was still punching him in his thoughts. From his eyes to his mouth, he searched for the slightest stir, the slightest sign that he had awoken. Nothing. He wiped the sweat from his forehead.

    With this movement, his wand fell with a light clatter onto the floor. He picked it up, and he remembered something. He put the wand away quickly and rolled onto his back with an exasperated sigh. He was going to have to end Simon’s life with that wand at some point in the future. For his family, for his mother, for the sheer fact that everyone knew that they were enemies. Enemies. He hated that word. He hated what he had to do. He hated Simon for how his existence was the reason he had to do what he had to. _No, I don't really, truly hate Simon._ Regardless, Baz needed to face reality. Then his eyes drifted to Simon.

    _Just not right now._


End file.
